Do you have a monster under your bed?
He is the sneakiest kind of monster and an impossible-to-exterminate kind of monster. He is not a figment of my imagination, but he sure knows how to get inside my head!
He and his friends are known as the clutter monsters. I am not the only one whose home they have overtaken; they infest homes across the country. They come in many forms. They sneak into your home disguised as adorable crafts created by your preschooler, kid's meal toys, useless carnival prizes or are even brought to your home by friends and family wrapped in colorful paper. They multiply by feeding off of over-indulged children like parasites. They hide under beds, on shelves, and in boxes and drawers. When they outgrow those spaces they slither into all parts of your home, frequently concealing important items such as school shoes and homework.
They are extremely resistant to all attempts to rid your home of them because children adore them. They cry and complain and try to help them hide from you. They beg for more of them and bring home more and more of them with each passing day! Sometimes attempts to bring in devices to control and contain them simply exacerbate the problem by converting to clutter monsters themselves.
So why bother? Let the clutter monsters be, you say? They won't hurt a thing? Oh, but you are wrong! The clutter monsters can cause severe symptoms of anger and frustration that create tension and stress in the inhabitants of an infested home. They can also cause bodily injuries to your family by tripping them or poking their feet. They must be dealt with!
Mothers everywhere must forge on and continue to battle these beasts! I, personally, have a pretty serious infestation in many areas of my home. I suggest a dual-approach method. Some clutter monsters can be wrangled in and removed from a home, but many will remain. For these ones who are simply too difficult to eradicate, an effective containment system must be put in place. I have recently purchased new containment devices that are proving quite effective in my office, but the real test will come when I move on to rooms in which children and clutter monsters live in harmony. Wish me luck!
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Kids in big families will tell you that always having someone else to blame for stuff is their favorite part of having lots of brothers and sisters. And any that say something else are lying. My last couple of kids’ first complete sentence was, “He did it.” Sometimes I lay in bed at night fantasizing about fingerprinting, DNA sampling, and video surveillance to catch the real culprits. Here is my list of things I would like to discipline someone for if I could ever figure out whom that someone was!
1. Whose poop is on the wall?
2. Whose pee is on the floor?
3. Who bit one point off each star-shaped donut and sucked out all the fillings?
4. Who stuffed a partially eaten hamburger under the seat in the car?
5. Who tossed an apple core behind the couch?
6. Who got all of the Halloween costumes out in March?
7. Who spilled an entire bowl of cereal on the floor and just left it there?
8. Who left the fridge door open? (This could be numbers 1-100 by itself.)
9-14. Who broke the (fill in the blank)?
15. Who tossed a lunch box, a hair bow, the baby’s shoe, a toy car, a used paper plate,
a fork, and a half-finished math paper in the laundry room while we were ‘picking up’?
16-21. Who left their gum on the (fill in a location)?
22. Whose sucker is stuck in the bathroom rug?
23. Who used an entire roll of masking tape to create what I
can only describe as a mock laser beam maze?
24. Who put a pizza crust in a cup of pop and set inside the linen closet in the basement bathroom?
25. Who unpaused my TV show and changed the channel to ‘Dog with a Blog’?
26. Who ruined my good scissors by cutting plastic?
27. Who cut a dollar bill into 85 million pieces?
28. Who colored on the couch with a permanent marker?
29. Who colored on the baby with a permanent marker?
30. Who used three packets of frosting on one toaster strudel?
31. Who threw a shoe on top of the entertainment center?
32. Who threw away all the real mayonnaise including the extra bottle in the pantry just to be sure his or her sandwich is always made with Miracle Whip? (Okay, so this may not have actually happened. It is possible that I am paranoid about them plotting against me, but I sure thought I bought some mayo!)
I have discovered the perpetrator responsible for a few of these
incidents via intense interrogation techniques, but apparently most of them have
been committed by my invisible 8th child named Notme.
The very best way I have found to keep up on blogs I enjoy reading is by following them on bloglovin'. If I hadn't become a blogger myself, I probably never would have discovered this gem! Before I started blogging, I read random posts that came through my facebook feed and even if I loved the post, there is little chance I ever ended up back on that site again. Even if you like a page on facebook, it is very likely you will miss a lot of the posts in your news feed. With bloglovin' you can receive a daily e-mail with a list of the titles of new posts from bloggers you follow and within just a few minutes you can scroll through and read or save to read later, the titles that interest you. You can also find that 'something you read somewhere' when you want to find it again later much easier than you can with facebook. If you have enjoyed any of the posts you have read here, I invite you to click the bloglovin' button at the top to get started!
I am the mother of seven children ranging from teens to a toddler, living out in the middle of nowhere, USA. I aim to hone the craft of giving advice without pretending to have this whole mom thing figured out. I am Christian, but not the really nice kind that is good at it. I am also conservative, but I promise not to be in your face with political agendas very often. I like to infuse humor into my writing, so don't freak out if you are offended or appalled by what you read here. There is a very fine line between serious advice and sarcastic hyperbole.
Some posts contain affiliate links and advertisements for which I may be compensated. All opinions are my own.
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