Sometimes I am going to make jokes about moms with type-A personalities and if you are one, I just want you to know that when I do, it is simply that, a joke!
Please understand that I am not judging you critically and I don't dislike you. Exactly the opposite, in fact! I am in awe of you, so please see my jokes as a roast, not an insult. Some of my very favorite people have this type of personality and it is a great compliment to my own. (Though my type-A friends may not agree with that statement. They might wish I would pick my kid up from a play date on time.) I use the term type-A loosely here because the technical meaning of it, as Google has informed me, is not quite what most people seem to think it is. I discovered that there are B,C, and D personalities that we never hear much about, but I think my personality is best described as type-LMNOP. You know, that part of the alphabet that kids run all together and get jumbled up so much that you don't know where one letter ends and another begins? That's mine. I consider type-A, as I think most do, to be the opposite of that.
And here’s a secret:
Some days my so-so mommying devolves into complete and utter chaos, and I yearn to be you.
I wish I felt ‘energized for the day’ by getting up at five a.m. and exercising before the kids wake up.
I wish I were incapable of falling asleep at night until all the dishes were done, the counters were clean, and the toys were put away, even if I was up past midnight getting it done.
I wish I remembered to take care of every little detail from picture forms and permission slips, to birthday parties and extra clothes. Or even just coats; I’d really like to go somewhere and have everyone in a coat –just once!
I wish I could not bear to leave a spill on the floor and would have to clean them all up right away.
I wish I got ready to go somewhere early enough to have time for those spills.
I wish I enjoyed baking enough to create cool treats for parties and that they turned out looking as pretty as the picture on Pinterest.
I wish it came naturally to me to automatically, neatly organize all the food in my pantry and refrigerator every time I put groceries away.
Luckily, I always remember that if I were all those things, a lot of the qualities I am proud to possess and I believe are good for my kids, would be replaced by those traits. For instance, I would not be able to leave a jacket on the floor until the end of time waiting for my kid who was told to put it away to do so. I was not made to be a type-A person. I am not magically going to become one because I want to. I know rejecting the way I was made is futile. I have to trust that God gave me the qualities I need to be the kind of mom my kids need. My evidence for this conclusion is that I am quite sure I have at least one kid that would not live to see adulthood if he had a type-A mother!
I hope we can all laugh at our flaws a little and not take this whole mom thing so seriously. I will make jokes about you; I will make jokes about myself. And we can all still get along if no one chooses to be offended!
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Here are the major highlights of the week that inspired me to create the above meme:
Our current state of sibling disharmony would indicate that my kids are going to grow up to be those siblings that know each other exist, but live completely separate lives and barely speak to each other. They will tell their own children stories about the mistreatment they endured at the hands of their siblings. You know, the walk to school uphill both ways kinds of stories. However, I know it is normal for siblings to fight; so normal in fact that there are nearly 10 million Google results about how to stop it! I browsed through a number of the results to discover that, for the most part, I am doing things correctly according to the experts and fellow mommy blogger opinions. So why are my children nearly murdering each other on a daily basis?
Because, here’s the thing, most of the experts contradict their advice within their articles. Most of them have a long list of suggestions about what to do, such as taking away toys, separating them, making them say nice things, hugging, even stuffing them into one oversized shirt together. And then these experts have the audacity to include the completely incongruous advice to just, “Ignore it,” or “Let them work it out.” Here is where the difficulty begins. There is no exact science behind choosing which tactic to employ each of the 276 times a day my kids begin to argue. Sometimes I accidentally get in the middle of stupid stuff that I later regret, such as who has a cuter stuffed dog, and then sometimes I ignore screaming until someone draws blood, and I know I have waited too long to intervene.
So what is a mom to do?
Here is my advice to attain so-so sibling relationships since truly getting along is out of the question:
Step 1. Keep on randomly nagging and disciplining when you have the energy.
Step 2. Frequently remind them of the ideals you intend for them to have concerning sibling relationships. I like to do this one on one or it will start another fight.
Step 3. Pray and keep the faith that it will all sink into their thick skulls somewhere between the ages of 17 and 25. (Edited one year later: 18 and 25. It is definitely NOT 17!)
This post is written in honor of National Grammar Day, and yes, that’s a real thing. When I scroll through Facebook, the jokes I most often genuinely laugh out loud about are grammar puns. I recently read that this officially makes me a grammar nerd. I was already pretty sure after a friend admitted to me she sometimes deletes her texts and words them differently to be sure she doesn't make a mistake when messaging me. She has seen that I correct Politician’s and Perfectionist’s grammar on
Facebook. I promise I only do this to my children, so she has no reason to worry; I am just a grammar nerd, not a grammar nazi. However, I come from a family of fellow grammar nerds, and I expect the kids to uphold the tradition. Not to mention, I prefer that they are all employable someday!
If you follow my blog, you know my theory about brain cells being excreted in breast milk. That, combined with years of sleep deprivation, writing while attempting to tune out Maniac and Sassy’s ‘concerts,’ and just trying to keep seven kids alive and well, has rendered my brain useless at times. I have already edited mistakes in my blog a couple of times, but I pride myself on writing properly, so correct them I must. I recently discovered an awesome writing toolthat puts regular spell-check to shame. It is called Grammarly, and now I use it faithfully. The people there also provide me with my daily dose of humor via the grammar puns on their Facebook page. Grammarly recently saved me from using the incorrect homophone in a Facebook comment. I know, I know, the horror! I think it is the most common type of mistake made on Facebook, but I would have been terribly embarrassed because I complain about those mistakes often. After I see multiple grammar mistakes in a day, I begin to wallow in despair for the future generations of my country! But maybe I am wrong; maybe being able to find the theme of a pedophilia-laden novel is more important than knowing the difference between ‘threw’ and ‘through.’ If you don’t understand this reference bashing the common core standards, please click here to learn about it, though I warn you the linked article contains graphic language.
I am sure I could find and correct my mistakes with careful and repeated proofreading, but sometimes I am just excited about a new post and get an itchy trigger-finger and click that publish button. I could spend more time editing, but I rather just let Grammarly do it for me. Whether you are a fellow blogger or a mom at home with young kids who wants to ensure that your childless friends from your pre-mommy life don’t think you’ve become a mindless dolt, I highly recommend giving Grammarly a try. It is a great weapon in the fight against mommy brain.
Disclaimer: Please sign up using the following affiliate link. There is even a free version. I will be compensated, but I assure you, my love for Grammarly is real!
I am the mother of seven children ranging from teens to a toddler, living out in the middle of nowhere, USA. I aim to hone the craft of giving advice without pretending to have this whole mom thing figured out. I am Christian, but not the really nice kind that is good at it. I am also conservative, but I promise not to be in your face with political agendas very often. I like to infuse humor into my writing, so don't freak out if you are offended or appalled by what you read here. There is a very fine line between serious advice and sarcastic hyperbole.