Do you have a monster under your bed?
He is the sneakiest kind of monster and an impossible-to-exterminate kind of monster. He is not a figment of my imagination, but he sure knows how to get inside my head!
He and his friends are known as the clutter monsters. I am not the only one whose home they have overtaken; they infest homes across the country. They come in many forms. They sneak into your home disguised as adorable crafts created by your preschooler, kid's meal toys, useless carnival prizes or are even brought to your home by friends and family wrapped in colorful paper. They multiply by feeding off of over-indulged children like parasites. They hide under beds, on shelves, and in boxes and drawers. When they outgrow those spaces they slither into all parts of your home, frequently concealing important items such as school shoes and homework.
They are extremely resistant to all attempts to rid your home of them because children adore them. They cry and complain and try to help them hide from you. They beg for more of them and bring home more and more of them with each passing day! Sometimes attempts to bring in devices to control and contain them simply exacerbate the problem by converting to clutter monsters themselves.
So why bother? Let the clutter monsters be, you say? They won't hurt a thing? Oh, but you are wrong! The clutter monsters can cause severe symptoms of anger and frustration that create tension and stress in the inhabitants of an infested home. They can also cause bodily injuries to your family by tripping them or poking their feet. They must be dealt with!
Mothers everywhere must forge on and continue to battle these beasts! I, personally, have a pretty serious infestation in many areas of my home. I suggest a dual-approach method. Some clutter monsters can be wrangled in and removed from a home, but many will remain. For these ones who are simply too difficult to eradicate, an effective containment system must be put in place. I have recently purchased new containment devices that are proving quite effective in my office, but the real test will come when I move on to rooms in which children and clutter monsters live in harmony. Wish me luck!
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I am the mother of seven children ranging from teens to a toddler, living out in the middle of nowhere, USA. I aim to hone the craft of giving advice without pretending to have this whole mom thing figured out. I am Christian, but not the really nice kind that is good at it. I am also conservative, but I promise not to be in your face with political agendas very often. I like to infuse humor into my writing, so don't freak out if you are offended or appalled by what you read here. There is a very fine line between serious advice and sarcastic hyperbole.
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